How long will this last? How long do I have to wait til I can see him again? I feel like I am just waiting for him to return, that he is not really gone. 14 months, and why does it not sink in? How can this even be possible? Days go by, a bit easier then in the beginning..but only to have the pain lie dormant...never gone.
So now it resurfaces...the questions in my head coming back...why? what is all this about? what is the meaning, purpose of this life? How can he be gone? Why hasn't he come back to me? Doesn't he know how much I miss him, how much I need him? Why can't he be here to see all that I still see...all the changes that are going on around me...things that he will never experience...so many people I meet that don't even seem to deserve to be here...he desereved to be here, he was loved, he loved, he was full of life, many talents, gifts. He had so much more life to live.
Can't stand this anymore.
Diana, there are a few of us blogging very similar feelings and thoughts ... perhaps it is the winter, the night sky, the holidays, the memories, the fact that some of us are coming up to the first anniversary, and you have only just passed yours. Grief is not a linear process, we do go round and round and up and down, two steps forwards, and six steps back. And we are beyond tired. We don't even want to be here, but we have no choice. It sucks, it actually isn't fair at all ... and there is no rhyme or reason to death ... all I can tell you is that I am walking on the path with you, and I am sorry, and I know. I know.
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