how long

How long will this last? How long do I have to wait til I can see him again? I feel like I am just waiting for him to return, that he is not really gone. 14 months, and why does it not sink in? How can this even be possible? Days go by, a bit easier then in the beginning..but only to have the pain lie dormant...never gone.

So now it resurfaces...the questions in my head coming back...why? what is all this about? what is the meaning, purpose of this life? How can he be gone? Why hasn't he come back to me? Doesn't he know how much I miss him, how much I need him? Why can't he be here to see all that I still see...all the changes that are going on around me...things that he will never experience...so many people I meet that don't even seem to deserve to be here...he desereved to be here, he was loved, he loved, he was full of life, many talents, gifts. He had so much more life to live.

Can't stand this anymore.